


House Arrest

by Shelved Projects (CarolAndNella)



Category: Batman Arkham Series (Games)
Genre: Crime Fighting, Crimes & Criminals, Drama & Romance, M/M, Wordcount: Over 1.000
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2017-12-30 00:52:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarolAndNella/pseuds/Shelved%20Projects
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A riveting drama series, a nearly full length novella depicting crime, a hint of romance and dreams of scandal. Batman is tempted into a world of sensuality, while Joker is torn between love and hate for his long time nemesis.</p><p><b>Officially Unfinished</b><br/>Unfinished and discontinued. Feel free to pick up where I left off.<br/>More info and fun discuss topic on the last chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: You don't fool me

_Passionate, seductive, affectionate, romantic, twisted, morbid, enthralling..._  
Dangerous.

_His body was long and lithe, gently sculpted with lean muscles on a wiry, limbre torso. He was pale, his skin glinting silver in the moonlight, his back, shoulders and chest lashed with graying scars. His hair was a ragged, unkempt mess, but his eyes lit up when he saw Bruce, his expression brightening. Bruce swallowed as Joker's lips parted broadly in a wide smile, making Bruce look away.  
Bruce stayed still as Joker swaggered over toward him, shadows draping his half naked body. He made a little finger person walk up Bruce's chest as he coiled close, his skin cold and rough, caressing Bruce's chin with his jawline. Bruce closed his eyes, drawing his arms up around the small of Joker's back, nuzzling Joker's grimey forehead. The air was brittle and thin with cold, breath bellowing in a small cloud from Bruce's mouth. But near Joker, well... it wasn't better, but it did feel bearable, as if there was a purpose to it all, now._

_Bruce wondered if Joker felt the same, or knew the same things Bruce did. The rush of adrenaline, the clarity of alertness, the sudden sharpening of the senses._  
Joker embraced Bruce for a few heart beats, curled up in the cave of Bruce's chest and arms, his lashes tickling Bruce's collarbones. Bruce doubted that the Joker had the same feelings or thoughts that he had, or treated them the same as Bruce did.  
But it was really nice to have the Joker near. 

_Joker drew up delicately for a careful press of a kiss near Bruce's lip, putting on a show of how 'reluctant' and 'innocent' he was. "Bats," Joker purred in a quiet, throaty tone. Bruce curled his lip, giving Joker a rye look._ "You don't fool me."

_Joker paused, throwing Bruce a furious glare, then grinned broadly all of a sudden, the moonlight vanishing as clouds plunged them into darkness. Like a boa constrictor, Joker launched forward, making Bruce stagger back with an approving grumble. Joker rasped his tongue along Bruce's neck, grazing his teeth on Bruce's earlobe. Bruce slumped onto his side, letting Joker loom up around him.  
Joker's breath, laced with the scent of garlic, stirred Bruce's eyelashes and brow line, feeling his partner's hands toy with his belt._

Dawn light filtered through the curtains when Bruce woke up, his pajammas and linins sticky with a cold sweat. Swiping away the dry taste of morning breath, Bruce glanced around, seeking out Joke-

Bruce paused, feeling his chest tighten in disappointment. It had only been a dream, like the same three dozen other ones that happened through out the passed two months.  
Bruce rubbed his face pushing himself up into a sitting position and shaking the dream away.


	2. Prologue: You don't fool me

Playful claws of late fall wind were tossing thin clouds around, making the late dusk sky look patchy. Joker sprinted down a street, his shoes cracking a thin sheet of ice in the gritty, trailing puddles that gnawed at the concrete. Joker ducked Bat's hefty blow just barely in time. He turned and leapt nimbly up onto a dumpster, scrambling for the fire escape to head up the building, but Batman had snatched his coat and dragged him back down, making him shout obscenities at the wall, "Grabby today, aren't you Bats?" Joker snapped irritably over his shoulder, whirling around to face Batman. Bats slid away just out of reach, giving Joker that annoying, 'I'm a big fat stupid know-it-all' look. Joker didn't wait for a reply, surging forward and leaping at his enemy. Batman met him half way, grunting with effort as he tossed Joker aside, turning Joker around and thrusting him toward the wall. Joker felt the bricks slam against his face and torso, scraping his skin and feeling his bones shutter from the jarring impact. "Geez Bats." Joker muttered as Batman wrenched his arms around and clasped cuffs around his wrists.

"You are under arrest." Batman said in a matter of fact tone, briskly yanking Joker up to his feet and marching him a few steps forward. Joker jerked on the grip on his elbow, glaring disgustedly at Batman out of the corner of his eye. Inwardly, Joker knew that Harley would know by now where he was and what had happened. Early on in their relationship, Joker and Harley had worked out one golden rule, which was _"If i'm not where I'm supposed to be with in 10 minutes, I'm either dead, or captured by Batman."_ Time and time again, Joker had been able to rely on Harley to bail him out, fetch him a rescue car, swindle her way into the prison to help Joker escape and be ready when he had to bring a fight with Batman to the hideout.

Batman halted before they could leave the downtown back alley, and Joker frowned, glancing back, "What, forgot your panties back in the dumpster?" Joker asked sarcastically, letting a smile creep up over his face. _Haha, Batman in panties. Frilly little pink ones._ Batman gave a small shake of his head, his eyes flickering away from Joker, shifting his weight from side to side. Joker curled his lip, turning away. "Let's get a move on, it smells like barf back here." Joker complained. They were behind a cheap fast food restaurant and some kind of ninja dojo place. And quite frankly, fries and burgers that smelled like that should never be fed to people, let alone cost money.

A gloved hand traced something on the side of Joker's neck, making his skin crawl with unease. He twisted around, giving Batman a startled look, but Batman didn't look phased. Batman's face had gone all soft and sappy looking, giving Joker an expression that Joker had never seen before. Sympathy, perhaps? Something like that, sort of? As close to sympathy would look on Batman's face. Batman dipped forward an inch or two, his breath stirring Joker's cheek, "Whoa, Bats what-" Joker leaned away sharply, nearly tripping on the cracked sidewalk. The corner of Batman's lip twitched, a brief moment of amusement stealing away in his eyes. "Bats, Batman what has gotten-" Joker hopscotched away as Batman tried to sneak closer. "No, Bad Batman," Joker mock scolded, giving Batman a hard look. Sure, Joker teased at their relationship from time to time, making snide or crude comments about how close and cuddly they were, but he never really meant it.

Joker never tried to kiss Batman, that's for sure. Batman hesitated, gesturing to the side of Joker's neck, "You have a scar there." He commented, "I haven't seen it before." A glint of embarrassment seemed to flash in Batman's expression for a heartbeat, but Joker wasn't positive. Joker shrugged, feeling self conscious, "A warden got me when guards couldn't persuade me to switch cells." Joker explained, "It's an old one."  
Concern melted Batman's look, and he reached out slowly, to trace the scar again. Joker let him, feeling Batman's gloved hand fold back his shirt collar and graze his thumb over the old stitch marks. The gesture felt strange, making a thrill of uncertainty race up and down Joker's spine. Batman's fingers curled around the back of Joker's neck, pulling him toward Batman. Panic fluttering up Joker's chest, Joker tugged frantically at the cuffs, ducking out from under Batman's grasp and trotting out of the alley way.

An edged, nearly nasal, Brooklyn accented voice called from down the street, and relief washed over Joker. Harley had found him. "Baaaaaaaaaabe," She dragged out the 'A' sound in the word as she rounded a corner. Joker sprinted over, glancing back to see Batman bursting from the alley way. "Quick, the cuffs," Joker said, but Harley was already behind him, picking the lock. A moment later, Joker's arms were released, and he lead the way down the sewer, holding Harley's hand.


	3. Tell me all about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker and Harley reflect on Batman's behavior.
> 
> Warnings:  
> Some close, non-homosexual cuddling and infrequent coarse language.

Harley felt warm, eyes closed as she lay in bed, curled against Joker's long, hard muscled body. The hideout was chilly, slightly scented of mold and dust, but it was comfortable, secluded from the noise of the rest of the city. Joker's eyes were half open, his head on Harley's chest as he listened to her heart. He must be under another round of insomnia, Harley decided. No other person besides Harley knew about Joker's mild, infrequent case of insomnia, not even the whack-jobs at Arkham. Harley wondered briefly if Batman knew, or if Joker planned on telling him. It was unlikely though, Joker didn't like looking 'weak' or 'normal' around Batman. He would complain about that once in a while, when Harley and him were alone. Joker shifted, moving his cheek to lay near Harley's collar bone, washing her sense of smell with his hair gel.

A split second of fangirl mode exploded in Harley's stomach, and she wrapped her arms tightly around Joker's shoulders. He grumbled, grinning against Harley's neck. "Good morning babe." He greeted.

* * *

Joker hadn't intended on waking up Harley, but was pleased when she reached up to kiss gingerly at his forehead. He returned the small gesture, sinking backward to lay flat on his back, pulling Harley onto his chest. Joker had been replaying the scene with Batman, over and over in his head since he got back to the hideout last night, and stayed up half the night dwelling over it. The sappy Batman face, the far away look in his eyes, how Batman made him feel when he touched his neck... Neither of them were _gay,_ right?

Looking at Harley, Joker decided no, well, at least not himself. Nearly 8 or 9 years with the broad had forged a really strong relationship, and he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. However, 10 years dealing with Batman seemed slightly more significant, for some reason. When Joker thought about it, a life with out Batman (or any of his official boy scouts, Robin or Nightwing,) sounded dull, boring... not the same. Beating Batman at his own game sounded fair, but not completely wiping him out. Joker would have nobody, apart from Harley. Not some one who understood him, not the way Batman did.

Plus there wasn't any one nearly as fun to annoy the hell out of. Joker snickered as Harley looked up from resting on his chest, sliding her fairy slim hands up his forearms. "Tell me aaaaaall about it, Mistah J," She coaxed, her voice quiet and resembling a sigh. Joker grinned, letting them climb up to a sitting position, running a hand through her hair as he looked down, trying to think of where to begin. "Oh, it's nothing doll," Joker reassured, shrugging, "Bats was being weirder then usual."  
"Constipated?" Harley guessed, tilting her head. She sounded mock sympathetic, pursing her lips. Joker shook his head, "Nah," Joker gestured dismissively, "He um, he..." Joker cleared his throat, "Bats tried to put the moves on me."  
Harley squeaked a loud, nasal laugh, crinkling her nose, "Bats is outta tha closet!" positive disbelief and amusement rang in her voice, "Or ya made him change his mind, babe," Harley smiled, twirling a fingertip on Joker's knee. Joker grimaced at the thought of flirting with Batman, "Bats isn't all that drop-dead hot and sexy up close." Joker reminded his companion, remembering bristles and chapped lips and crap all over Batman's face. Harley nodded, making a face, "Yea, he don't smell all that great up close neither." She added, making Joker bite back a laugh. Harley threw him a grin, pulling him up by the arms and leading them to the make shift kitchen. Tracking down the scent of coffee, Harley waved at Joker to sit down.

Joker felt better telling Harley about the little incident. Made the awkward seem lighter on his shoulders, as if half had been taken by Harley and made into something amusing to think about. A thought struck Joker like a semi to the face, and he looked up at his girl as she brought over cheap coffee. "Babe?" She recognized his 'I-thought-of-something' face.  
"I need to kiss Batman."


	4. Baby Doll

The idea was that if Batman all of a sudden had a crush on Joker, then he could be manipulated, at least when no other options were present. Every time Joker found out something new about Batman, Harley began to notice, the Joker would use it to his advantage, in "if this happens I can use this to do that" kind of scenarios. Kissing Batman, or letting Batman kiss Joker, was just another last resort distraction in an urgent get away. Or whatever. Picturing Joker kissing Batman sounded both bizarre, awkward, awesome and W.T.F. all at the same time, when Harley thought about it. Deep down though, the idea that Joker, _her_ Joker, could be, even only subconsciously, gay-curious or maybe bi-curious, at least only toward Batman, (hopefully,) did make a small bead of jealousy buzz around in the pit of her stomach. Harley didn't dare mention it though, it was silly and immature to be jealous, and besides, it was only Batman on Joker's mind... _Gawd, you're not 16 anymoar, Harley,_ she chided herself, tugging on one of her pigtails. Joker was pacing the living room, listening to a report from the boys at the thug place, over a communicating device that Joker designed. The radio frequency it used was as private as he could manage to make it, only Military strength technology could eavesdrop on them, or Batman.

Harley was laying on her side on the couch, a bowl of popcorn nestled in the arc of her stomach and boobs. She munched half-heartedly as Joker spoke, grunting a "Meh," or a "Haha," every once in a while. He passed by Harley, giving her a broad smile as he picked a piece of popcorn. The voice on the communicator sounded far away. Joker turned around, his shoulders tensing, "Well don't just stand around like a couple of morons you douche-bag," He snapped. Harley felt her heart flutter, she loved it when he dirty talked. "You tell him Mistah J," She encouraged through a mouthful of popcorn. Joker mumbled a "Thanks babe," but didn't look up. He was listening intently to the report, then snorted impatiently, "No you load of bogus, I need my money's worth from this heist," Joker turned on his heels, beckoning for Harley. Harley sat up, stretching as she stood, sauntering over.

"Want me to go straighten things out for ya, babe?" She asked, reaching out to fix the front of Joker's shirt. He nodded, bending down to kiss her knuckle, "Yes please, baby doll." He murmured, then stiffened, turning away, "Oh god no, not you Tony." Joker snapped on the communicator, "No I- shut up!" Joker's voice squeaked in indignation, then he groaned exsasperatedly, "Okay fine, you're my baby doll too."  
Harley snickered, drawing back to walk around Joker, patting his back end. She went over to the closet, pulling out her huge mallet from the closet. "Meet Tony down by the old Penguin suite, up town." Joker said briskly over his shoulder. Harley nodded, turning around, "What's the monkey wrench?"

"Appearantly some of Penguins goons want that old post back from us and Tony can't hold them off." Joker replied, his voice edged with irritation. Harley nodded, she knew what to do, "Gotcha," She pattered up to Joker and pecked him on the corner of his mouth. He nuzzled her forehead, not needing to hear her say 'be back soon,' as she turned and headed out the door.

* * *

Joker watched wordlessly until he couldn't see Harley anymore, then jumped as interference spiked on the communicator. "Don't forget to kiss me hello when you get back, _baby doll,_ " Joker sneered before turning off the communicator.

Joker turned around, walking to the other end of the room and looking at some old papers on his work table, maps and reciepts and thimgs like that, reading a few before putting half away. He bent down under the table, reaching between two bins and letting his fingertips brush the lip of a can. Tugging, Joker discovered it was lodged in something. Poop. Joker clamored halfway under the table, grumbling under his breath, when the light behind him seemed to fade, as if blocked by something tall and fat. Joker glanced over his shoulder, his view obscured by the table. "Who's there?"


	5. I'll get the Batmobile

"Hello, Joker."

Batman's calm, low, gruff voice made Joker jump, banging his head against the underside of the table. He shrieked in surprise, falling forward in his supplies and wriggling out backwards, feeling hot with embarrassment and self consciousness. "God damn it Batman," Joker snapped, teetering back onto his rump on the floor. Batman stepped back, a quiet chuckle escaping his throat. He was almost directly behind Joker, looking as calm as ever. He offered Joker a hand, but Joker waved it away, "Oh don't bother you huge wardrobe." Joker muttered, climbing up to his feet. Batman watched with out a word, giving Joker such a smoldering, intense look, Joker hurried around his work table, giving Batman a wary glance.

"Came to flirt some more with me?" Joker asked, managing to smile. Batman frowned, folding his arms across his chest. "I didn't flirt with you." Batman disagreed. Joker snorted, "Oh yeah, suuuuure you didn't." Joker backed up a few steps, pressing against the counter. Batman was watching him like a hawk, his unblinking eyes hard and cold. "I came here to arrest you."  
"Is that hip new slang for a blow-job, Bats?" Joker cackled, giving Batman a suggestive grin. Batman glared, but Joker could see his face flushing red. Joker slid a hand behind his back, grasping a screw driver that was left on the counter. Perfect, now to just keep Batman talking.

Joker darted away, hearing Batman clamor after him as he leapt over the sofa, careening around a corner and bursting through the window. Joker scurried up the fire escape, seeing Batman on his heels out of the corner of his eye. Joker leapt just out of reach when Batman swiped at him, "Not today, dirt bag!" Joker cheered, his voice breaking into hysterical laughter as he shimmied further up the fire escape. Joker was ready to sprint up the last few steps when Batman shot a Batclaw up to the building roof, swinging up ahead of him and spinning around. "Oh crap," Joker spat, turning around, "That's not fair, Bats! Real blow below the belt!"  
Joker fled back down, hearing Batman catching up behind him. He couldn't go all the way down, or go back in the apartment, this wasn't good. Joker skidded to a stop, whirling around and swinging a blow. Batman blocked with a forearm, twisting Joker around and thrusting him against the railing. Joker jerked forward, banging his head back and colliding with Batman's skull when the hero stumbled. Batman grunted, losing his grasp on Joker as the criminal scrambled away. Stabbing Batman's thigh with the screwdriver, Joker laughed triumphently, bolting down the stairs again as Batman hissed obsenities under his breath.

Joker grabbed the communicating device from his pocket while jumping the last four steps, feeling the solid ground jostle his marbles for a heart beat two. "Harley, there's a situation going on at hide out 14, but I'll handle it," Joker reported, glancing up. Joker started, locking with Batman's gaze, nearly directly above him. Joker whirled around and bolted down the alley, kicking the sewer lid out of the man hole. He was getting ready to shimmey down, when something red flashed at the edge of Joker's vision.

Suddenly weighed down by a bulky body, Joker staggered backward, feeling hands and arms wrap alarmingly around his neck. Who ever had jumped him was too light to push Joker down, but was a good enough distraction to let Batman make his way off the fire escape and limp toward Joker and his assailant. Joker swung his shoulders, feeling his attacker roll off his back with a grunt. "I knew it!" Joker seethed. Robin lept to his feet, giving Joker an infuriating, insolent look. It sort of seemed like Robin was trying to mimic Batman's kinds of expressions, and was failing misurably.

Joker was about to launch himself at the little peewee twerp, but Batman had managed to hobble over and wrangle Joker down, pressing his head to the concrete and wrenching his arms back. "You are under arrest." Batman said flatly. Joker leered at him out of the corner of his eye, feeling handcuffs snap around his wrists. "I'll get the Batmobile." Robin said somewhere in the background. Batman made a mumbly noise, hauling Joker up. Joker frowned, usually the little dweeb-ling would say _'I'll go call Gordan,'_ or whatever. Batman marched Joker away from the street, hiding in the shroud of the alley way shadows. "The Batmobile?"Joker asked loudly to Batman, holding back a rhetorical snort of laughter, "Isn't the Boy Scout young to start driving, Bats?"  
Batman didn't reply, grimacing as he adjusted his leg armor thingy. Joker grinned, feeling a twinge of satisfaction. Turning away, Joker waited, swiping his tongue over his dry lips. Batman took a slow, ragged breath behind him, his voice quiet when he began, "We're not taking you to Arkham."


	6. Hope so

When Bruce glanced in the rear view mirror, he saw resentment and fear dancing in Joker's eyes. He made a face, turning away to stare out the passenger door window. Robin was shifting uncomfortably in the shot gun seat, looking as if Joker would go crazy at any moment, which Bruce knew wouldn't happen. Richard was turning 17 in another week or two, Bruce reflected as he dragged his gaze back to the windshield. Richard wasn't expecting anything for his birthday, much less having to worry about a Joker on the loose, lurking in the shadows. Granted, Joker wouldn't be on the loose, anyway. Bruce and Commissioner Gordon had discussed what to do with the Joker for the better part of the beginning of this year, along with a few of the old doctors that worked at Arkham Asylum. With all of them debating as to how to deal with the Joker, they all (one way or another) came to one conclusion: the Joker, more or less, built the better part of his career around Batman. Batman's weaknesses, Batman's powers, everything the Joker did, in some obscure, bizarre way or another, revolved around what, how and when Batman will react to it.

It had finally dawned on Bruce how deeply Joker needed Batman, even though Joker (hopefully) had no idea who might be underneath the Batman mask, both figuratively and literally. Over the course of the year, Bruce tried to look at Joker the way he looked at Batman, tried to see the Joker for who he was, instead of trying to solve what he was. Bruce gauged Joker differently every time he encountered him over the year, and only recently had Bruce experimented on what some of the doctors had theorized. Treating Joker with concern, and holding back the fight and seeing the twinkle of surprise in Joker's eyes when he caught him off guard had moved something in Bruce.

"I can't believe you have a crush on the Joker." Richard had crinkled his nose when Bruce was reluctant to say how he acted around the Joker. "It wasn't serious," Bruce protested, "I didn't kiss him."  
"But you tried too." Richard pointed out, giving Bruce a dubious look. He was uncomfortable, Bruce knew it, the kid was still struggling with puberty for god's sake. Dropping a hat could make the poor kid dart off to his room, confused as hell and embarrassed about raging hormones.

Presently, Joker was grumbling to himself in the back seat of the Batmobile, still cuffed and thoroughly patted down. Batman made sure to have gotten rid of most of the weapons, tools and gadgets that Joker hid in his clothes, but Bruce was unsure he had gotten rid of it all. He wasn't looking forward to searching Joker completely when they brought him to the destination.  
Gordon and the doctors all agreed to a new law custody agreement, which was to lock down Joker in Batman's hide out. With Joker close by to be watched over, while still close to Batman to help stave off that "Batman Drive", the authorities and doctors assumed (hoped, really,) that Joker could be kept off the streets longer.

Alfred was squeamish about the idea. Richard was all out against it, but was smart enough to keep his complaints to himself. By the sound of it, Joker was still in denial, maybe even a bit nervous. "We've, haha, been driving around for a long time," Joker remarked, holding back an uncomfortable snicker, "When are we getting to the man cave? Criminals need to use the john too, y'know." Joker crossed his legs, clearing his throat and folding his bound hands in his lap. Richard grimaced at Bruce's left, shooting Bruce a look out of the corner of his eye. "We're almost there." Batman reassured flatly, not looking at Richard. Joker fidgeted, his face contorted in distress. "Hope so."


	7. I'll be with you in a sec, honey

Joker glared as Batman stopped, the murr of the engine abruptly cut off as the fat block head stepped out of the Batmobile, followed by his boy scout. Batman walked around toward Joker's side, still limping from the wound, opening the door and grasping Joker by the shoulder. Joker stood up, letting Batman briskly march him out. It was dim and cold in the chasm, the cave walls streaming with water. Starkly lit globes of light glowed in the bowels of the dark cave, the echoes of dripping river water and bats bouncing off the stone. The rush of the river roared up to Joker's senses as Batman guided him down steps, carved out of the floor. They walked down, the stone transitioning to metal wire mesh, leveling out into a catwalk. Discomfort swelled at the base of Joker's abdomen, as if ten billion water balloons were stuffed at the end of his digestive system. Damn beers. Damn water. Damn dripping. Oh god, "Batmaaaaaaaan" Joker squirmed, nearly tripping. Batman chuckled, and Joker didn't need to see him to know he was grinning.

"There will be a restroom soon." Batman reassured. Joker grumbled, feeling discomfort swell in his pelvis with every step downwards. Joker let his thoughts wander to Harley, wondering how she was doing and what was happening. Joker inwardly hoped that she wouldn't worry about him and would have a good, if vague, idea of what had happened. If anything, she would check their security cameras, which were rigged to explode unless Joker or Harley tampered with them. As usual, Harley would also destroy the footage as soon as she discovered it, to prevent lawyers from persecuting them with 'evidence,' and to help keep Joker's reputation intact, if any other villains got their filthy paws on the cameras. Other fallback procedures were to destroy all goon-draft records weekly, and try to pile on information to memory then burn everything else afterword.  
Granted, it would be problematic if Harley returned from her mission _after_ some nim-rod idiot goon tried to mess with the cameras, causing them to self destruct. If luck held out, Joker wouldn't have to worry about that, but the likelihood of his luck holding out was dwindling quickly. He already botched escaping Batman after having one of the hide-outs discovered and invaded, not to mention Bats himself was taking the Joker under his fat webby wings. Tucked away in the belly of a weirdo's cave, how rich.

Joker was surprised to feel the iron grip of the cuffs slacken and vanish from his wrists, and he drew them up around toward his chest, turning to look at Batman. Bats shrugged, his eyes angling ahead of them. Following Bats' gaze, Joker realized that they had reached the foot of the staircase, still some three or four acres above the main area of the Batcave. The steel skeleton of an old timey elevator loomed a few steps ahead of Joker, making unease twist in the base of his stomach. The fleeting idea that maybe he could tinkle here, maybe in the corner, crossed Joker's mind, but he pushed the thought aside. Bats could be some mental rapist for all Joker knew, here in his own home or something.  
Joker snorted as he let Batman lead the way into the elevator, running a hand through his green hair, scraping his scalp with his dry and chipped nails. Batman made no comment, but punched one of the two buttons on the control panel, which was 'down'. Bats cleared his throat, straightening while shifting to his uninjured leg, "The process will be different then it was at the Asylum," He began briskly, his tone flat. "If there are any improvements, however miniscule, the authorities, doctors and I may plan to explore farther on one-on-one mental health management."

So Joker was the guinea pig. Fantastic. Clamping his jaws shut against the resentment, Joker forced a wide smile, "Pimp experiments with the Bats." He remarked, his voice soaked with lewd amusement. Batman's shoulders tensed but he didn't reply, continuing as if Joker hadn't spoken.  
"You will have your own restricted section with in the cave," The elevator doors slid open a second before it jolted to a stop, and Batman lead the way out onto a catwalk. "Breakfast and dinner will be brought to you as usual, along with a few essays later in the month."  
Joker was distracted with an impressive stack of computers, piled onto and around a folding table. In another nook, there was a mini doctor section with a rolling patient's bed and an X-Ray screen. It was underneath a catwalk overhang, which lead to a platform to where Joker assumed was the garage. It probably lead to a tunnel, conveniently hidden behind a wall of rapidly falling water. Harsh white-blue lights were set up through out the main sections of the cave, with a training ring across the chasm, bridged to this side of the cave with another catwalk. Mist and waterfall spray hid anything further down, and the gloom of the cave hid the roof.

Batman veered sharply away from the main section of the cave, heading onto solid stone that had a steel barricade on one side, where the cave fell away into cold nothingness. Joker made it a point to not look down, keeping his eyes fixed on the small of Batman's back. There was a heavy sensation that hung above the cave roof, as if something was built above it on the surface. What ever it was, it was making Joker paranoid, as if the cave roof could fall inward at any moment. Batman turned, leading Joker back on steel mesh, gesturing to a few steps that lead up to a platform. A bed, a shelf, a door fixed into the stone wall and a few desks were situated there. An arch of door was installed into the railing at the top of the steps, which looked like they would slide a fence door inward.  
Anger prickled Joker's neck as he raked his eyes over what Batman wanted him to live in. It was hardly any better then the asylum. Batman halted at the doorframe, letting Joker brush passed and inspect the living area. "Geez Bats," Joker remarked ungraciously, "What a dump."

Batman shrugged, "It's in the driest part of the cave," He pointed out, "And in the safest. There shouldn't be a threat of falling rocks." Batman cautiously followed. Joker folded his arms over his chest, stalking around the space. The platform was about the size of an average bedroom, sturdily planted a few feet above a sheet of stone. Joker headed over to the door in the wall, peeking in. It was a bathroom, with a shower fixture, a small gap in the upper left corner that looked like a window, and, thank god, a toilet. Joker skittered in, peering out the little window. Disappointment made him grumble, he could only see a bit of forest and some of the city through it, along with the river surface. There was no clue to tell Joker in what part of town he was in.  
Batman hovered outside on the platform, looking awkward and out of place. Joker turned, closing the door, "I'll be with you in a sec, honey," Joker cooed, putting sarcastic emphasis on the last word. Joker was almost certain he'd explode if he dawdled any longer.


	8. I'll see you at dinner

"I can't believe we're letting him _in_ here."  
Bruce felt Richard's hard blue gaze burn the back of his neck, seething with negativity. Bruce turned, meeting Richard's gaze head on. The not-a-boy-for-long-wonder was standing with his arms crossed, over on the other side of the cave by the Batmobile. "You should be with Alfred." He replied calmly. Richard's nose wrinkled and he turned away, arms still folded across his narrow chest. Bruce heaved a slow sigh, turning back to the living space. Fear was dancing in his stomach, uneasiness fluttering in his ribcage. Things could go very bad, very fast, and Joker was so close, it would be harder to hide things from him. Nursing Joker back to a sane and healthy man would be a massive challenge, Bruce realized, as if it only just dawned on him. Actually having Joker here, in the cave, in Batman's home, really made Bruce see the reality of the dangers. Taking a deep breath, Bruce reassured himself that Batman _can,_ and will handle this, no matter the outcome.

To be honest, Bruce reminded himself, the officials of Gotham were bordering on the edge of desperation. They needed to do something, because it was obvious what they've been doing up to this point was definitely wrong. Break out after break out, countless deaths and murders along with damaged property, stolen supplies, not to mention other various types of crime, Batman and the officials of Gotham were at the brink of giving up, which either meant shipping their unwanted criminals out of Gotham, or euthanize the extremely dangerous ones. Bruce's neck had prickled with rage at the suggestions, feeling a surge of fury so over whelming, it had scared him. He had refused the ideas, promptly accepting the suggestion to try and 'self heal' criminals like the Joker, personally, one on one.

The only reason Richard accepted to help was because he was just as determined to refuse euthanization or shipment of the criminals as Batman was. "They're _people_ for god's sake," Robin had protested, rescuing Batman from having to reply. (While inwardly seething with a mental angry-Hulk explosion in his head.) "I don't like it," Was Robin's response to the house-arrest at the cave suggestion, "But if it's the only other option..." Robin had looked toward Batman, daring him to speak. Bruce nodded mechanically. He couldn't imagine taking Joker's, Killer Croc's, Scarecrow's or any other criminal's life, it was immoral if they were all healthy, and not on the brink of death from some gory disabling injury, or suffering from a highly fatal, contagious disease. As for shipping the criminals away to some other Asylum or prison, that wasn't an option either. They would still be a danger, maybe even more of a danger with out Batman to protect the innocent from them.

A flushing noise came from the bathroom, along with the rush of the sink and Joker humming. Bruce snapped out of his thoughts, folding his arms over his chest. This _had_ to work, or Batman might never see Joker again, not to mention so many others, if the authorities caught the other villains. Joker peeked out the door, swaggering out while buttoning up the last snaps on his coat. He was giving Batman a sideways, wary glance as he headed to one of the desks. "Thanks for waiting, Bats babe," Joker sneered over his shoulder, his voice throaty with sarcasm. "It's nice to know you like hanging around while gentlemen take a dump in the john." Joker grimaced in a broad smile, throwing Batman a shrewd look. Bruce frowned, turning around calmly and heading to the door gates. "I'll see you again at dinner." Bruce informed Joker quietly, not looking at him.  
Joker barked a loud, sharp laugh, "Ooooh boy, a date!" Joker shouted enthusiastically, "I can barely wait for that."


	9. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Infrequent Coarse Language on Harley's part, and some reference to violence/non-consensual harassment later on in Joker's part.

Harley was with Gus and Tony, anxiety dancing in her stomach. Joker wasn't at the hideout she had left him in, the neighborhood around it was crawling with the cops and the security had self destructed. Harley could tell, some of the cops were walking around with blue or bright pink powder on their hands and flabby faces, and some of the walls in the hideout building had mini craters in them. Harley had sorted out the little monkey wrench at the old dock hours ago, coming to a resentful agreement with the Penguin goons. Harley could still feel tension though, they were definitely going to see more of the likes of Penguin's followers, one way or another. But to hell with that, Harley was worried about Joker, and that was making her loud, irritated and snappy. The remaining un-arrested Joker goons were meandering near Harley, looking uncertain and grumbling worriedly. It was finally snowing as winter's claws gripped Gotham, the sky gray with curtains of white dollops falling silently to the streets. Harley was wearing her short jacket and scarf, her breath pluming out in a mini cloud.

It had taken forever to get the lingering rains of late summer to let go and allow the relief of cold and snow to wrap around the city, everyone was getting tired of soggy trees and mud puddles. The snow was a brighter change. But who cared, Joker was missing and Harley had no idea where he was. A meteor shower could make the dinosaurs come back to life for all she cared, finding where Joker was and what had happened to him was Harley's top priority. She was trying to stay cool about it though. No one wanted to see a crazy territorial obsessive blonde girlfriend freaking out about her boyfriend, who might just be going off on his own again or whatever.  
But oh god what if he was bleeding somewhere being raped by rats or some horrible crap like that? Harley tugged on a pigtail, shifting her weight from hip to hip, feeling worry swamp her focus. Gus and Tony shared a glance, giving Harley a sympathetic look. Some other goon rolled his eyes, while a few others mumbled and whispered to each other.

"We need to let Jaeger and Hernandez know about this," She decided outloud, "We'll worry about Mr.J later." Harley signaled to Tony while walking away from the scene. Tony nodded, heaving up to his feet and rounding up the boys. The far end of the stomping grounds needed to be checked on anyways, it was Harley's first intentions to check there afterword in the first place. Joker could wait, he could take care of himself.

* * *

_Joker felt exposed, the nakedness of his body making his skin crawl. He shrank away from the hungry gaze at the far end of the room, raked and lashed by the intensity of them as he felt the eyes roam over his body. Joker was cuffed to the bed, still locked in the dank cave where Batman had left him. Batman must have returned in the night after dinner, to tie him up and do God knew what when he woke. Joker gasped as Batman strolled out into the light, feeling unease and desperation swell in his chest. Batman's cowl wasn't just a mask, it melted into his face, the skin and material seamlessly made into one. This was wrong. Joker surged up on the bed, tugging at the cuffs, ready to squeeze out of them if he had too, but Batman closed in around him, expression dark and satisfied.  
Joker felt Batman loom over him, his breath tickling his lips as he dabbed the corner of his mouth with a tongue tip. Joker swallowed, frozen to the spot, shaking his head as he hissed "I'm not gay," but Batman chuckled, dipping his head further down to caress Joker's neck with his cheek._

_Joker shouted in alarm as Batman surged up onto the bed, straddling his waist and swamping Joker in warmth and shadows. Tucked into the cave of Batman's arms, shoulders and chest, Joker couldn't see much of the room anymore, lost under the half closed eyes of his nemesis. Joker could see the arc of Batman's neck as Bat's nuzzled the top of Joker's head, his strong grip dragging down Joker's bare back. Panic was rising in Joker's chest, squirming in his stomach and racing up his spine. This was bad, this couldn't end well, not at all. Joker jolted, snapping the word "Bats," and "Oh lord," when Batman gripped his hips, roughly adjusting him against his pelvis. Arousal spread up from the base of Joker's abdomen, against his will and moral conscious. Batman bent down, coaxing Joker's lips to part by pressing light kisses around his chin and cheek.  
Joker's mind shattered at the tug and push of Batman's tongue, feeling it curl gingerly at his own._

"Bat...Batman."


	10. I'm not finished

Joker awoke with a start, his heart pounding and mind whirling. He didn't recognize where he was or why he was there, confusion and panic swirling in his brain. Joker staggered up, relieved to feel clothes wrapped around him as he got his bearings. Joker heard something clatter behind him, and swung around, falling into a defensive position. If Bats was back to try and mind rape him or give him eye-sex or some other cheap move, then Bats was wrong, Joker was determined to kick him in the nuts or something.  
"Good morning," A kid called from across a gap in the cave, sounding ungracious. Robin. The boy scout. The Batcave, oh god, It was just a dream. Yesterday's events poured back over Joker, making him dizzy with relief, his shoulders sagging as he sat back down on the bed. No one had tried to molest the Joker, at least not recently.

Damn dinner date food. Joker rubbed his face, trying to shake the haunting dream out of his mind. It had felt so real, it was frightening. The night before, Batman had brought dinner to Joker at 8:00 PM, emerging from a gap in the wall on the opposite side of the cave. A shaft of light had filtered through the hidden entrance, probably leading up a staircase. Who ever Batman really was probably lived up there, when he wasn't dressed up in a Halloween costume, traipsing around the city. Dinner was roasted chicken breasts with a side of grilled asparagus, boiled beets and sliced carrots. The meal also had a follow up snack after an awkward, tense chat. Batman tried to probe Joker's mind, casually asking him questions in a calm tone. Joker had replied vaguely, feeling uneasy and distrustful the whole evening. Joker had been waiting for a thorough search over all day yesterday, knowing that Batman had been rushed and brief the first go back in the Batmobile.

Worked up and exhausted, Joker had crashed as soon Batman left with out a word after dinner, murmuring a brisk "Good night, Joker" as he retreated up the steps in the gap. Joker's mind probably shaped the dream around his worries, which made Joker nervous. Wasn't that how your brain tried to prepare yourself for future events? Like, in the worst case scenario event? Did Joker, on some subconscious level, really think Batman could overthrow his own moral code and take advantage of the Joker?  
Joker shook his head, twisting around to leer at the boy across the chasm, "Hey, dip-stick," Joker shouted, "What time is it? You and fat-ass really need to get a clock in this dump."  
Robin was doing some dumb dopey stuff at the computer section, who threw Joker a annoyed look, "It's a quarter after nine," He replied coolly, "In the morning. Batman will be back in a moment." He was typing, his eyes darting from his fingers on the keyboard to the screen. "Not to bring you breakfast, yet, though." Robin added. "To go over a few things we missed yesterday."

Joker broke down the resistance and made a face, pulling the lobes of his ears down and crossing his eyes as he stuck his tongue out, "Oooooooooooooooooooooh look at me," He taunted, "I'm a 14 year old _wonder boy._ "  
Robin stiffened, not looking up as he replied through gritted teeth, "I'm going to be 17 soon."  
"Good luck with puberty," Joker turned away, a throaty chuckle escaping his lips. He could hear Robin pausing, tapping the keyboard as he simmered with fury. "I didn't need to worry about that since two years ago." He muttered, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself. Joker didn't need to see Robin to know it was a lie.

"So how's the girlfriend?" Joker asked loudly, standing up and heading over to the desk. Batman left paper, pencils, crayons and a pen for him before he left. God knew why. Sitting down, Joker took a piece of paper and the pen and scribbled a crappy stick person, feeling to bored and lazy to deal with the drawing seriously. "What's-her-face, Oracle or Batgirl or something?" Joker let a hint of a sneer drip into his tone. To his surprise, Robin didn't seem as angry as Joker had presumed. Robin's voice was low and resereved when he replied.  
"She and I are..." He trailed off, groping for the right word, "Losing interest."

Joker craned his head around to glance at the kid. Robin had his eyes casted down at the keyboard, looking up once and a while to look at the screen, probably to check what he was typing. Joker snorted. He could guess ten million different things as to what that could mean. Turning back to his drawing, Joker started. He was so desperate to think about something challenging that he stooped down to chatting about drama with the boy scout. Shuddering, Joker scribbled over his drawing, quickly jotting down a math problem. A heartbeat later, Joker glanced back when a pleased, relieved sound came from Robin. Batman had appeared, sliding out from the hidden entrance. He regarded Robin with a friendly nod, emerging out from the shadows.  
Joker grinned broadly, trying to hide an inward surge of dismay. Batman strolled over, effortlessly looking intimidating without even putting much thought into it. Joker fixed his thoughts on the image of Harley, beautiful, resourceful, proud, loyal Harley, looming over him as her clothes slowly vanished. That kept his smile on his face. No one would know how unsettled Batman was making him feel. Not right now at least.

"Robin," Batman began, not looking at his little protégé as he kept a steady eye contact with the Joker. "You're needed at the downtown apartment district."  
Joker's stomach lurched, climbing up to his feet. Batman frowned as he took out a keycard, swiping it through the locking mechanism for the stair case door. "The investigators need help with the old hide out. They think there might be more then one." Batman gave Joker a curt nod as he entered Joker's living space, but Joker grimaced. That's where hide out 14 was. Harley hopefully got most of the guys to the north part of the city by now. Joker wasn't reassured though, feeling a tiny tug of home sickness.  
"Yes Batman." Robin replied, turning on his heels and darting out of the cave. Kid probably didn't want to watch Batman grope Joker anyway.

* * *

Batman was calm and reserved. Bruce on the other hand, was fighting down radio-active butterflies that were having a wrestling match in his stomach. Joker had been in Bruce's dreams, teasingly out of reach, a light in his eyes that had stirred Bruce's heart. It was hard for Bruce to keep the thoughts out of his mind as he approached Joker, seeing the same smolder in them as he greeted him. However, Joker was looking a lot more hostile in reality then he had been in the dream. Bruce wanted to experiment with the extents of their relationship again, which was why he sent Robin away. Maybe he could win Joker over, and convince him to admit something.

Bruce smirked. Highly unlikely. He matter-of-factly took Joker's wrists, who automatically broke into a wide grin while slacking his muscles. He was used to searches, but was obviously making it a point to push Batman's new found crush. Batman looked him levelly in the eyes, undaunted as he pat down his shoulders. Joker's mocking grin faded as Batman slid his jacket off. Batman kneaded his shoulders and forearms, sensing a few bullets, maybe a packet of gunpowder and other small items in the collar and front. Stalking back around to feel down Joker's ribcage. Joker grunted, muttering something about "sexual harassment" or whatever. Batman paused, "Take off your shirt, please." He ordered. The outline of a small switch blade was lodged in the shirt's back, the sneak.  
"So forward!" Joker exclaimed exaggeratedly, throwing Batman a furious look as he reluctantly took off his shirt, putting on a mock little show and rolling his eyes. "Here ya go," he sneered, curling his lip over his teeth, tossing the shirt at Batman disgustedly. Batman pointedly ignored Joker's scarred, pale torso, fishing out the items from the shirt and returning to him. Joker was gritting his teeth, half buttoning up the shirt.

Taking a deep breath, Batman continued. He pressed his hands down Joker's sides, working his way down gingerly, finding a pocket knife, a small thing that was probably a kind of gun and more bullets hidden in Joker's pant leg. Joker wasn't taking off his pants, but obliged to fishing the items out, leering at Batman as he sat on the bed. Batman confiscated the items, acutely aware of Joker eyeing him with suspicion. Bruce turned, taking in Joker's messy haired, rumpled clothed image, a challenge in his expression. Bruce swallowed, turning briskly and taking the confiscated things out of Joker's living space. Joker watched him, the small glitter of disappointment shining in his eyes. "That wasn't so bad," he remarked loudly. Batman turned, his voice hesitant, "I'm not finished." he said.

Joker's composure seemed to shift, his eyes widening in alarm, but it vanished quickly, crossing his legs up onto the bed. "Going all the way," He commented, sarcasm in his scathing voice. Bruce walked back slowly, his heart pounding. It was three days ago all over again, when he tried to kiss Joker. It was embarrassing back then, but he was determined to breach that awkward barrier, even just to have a frank, honest discussion. Bruce eyed Joker, sizing him up, then approached. Joker didn't break eye contact, his expression almost clear, so much so that it was easy to pretend he was sane. Joker's lips tugged back in a small smile. Was it a genuine one? Or was it a ploy? Was he mocking him?  
Bruce frowned. The two stared at each other for a few tense heartbeats, to reluctant to say anything. It was almost exactly last night, just with out food for Joker to comment lewdly on. To Batman's surprise, Joker spoke first. What he said seemed to help shatter the first barrier. Maybe this would be easier then Bruce and Batman both had assumed.


	11. We both do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Thanks for all the hits, kudos and comments. It really means a lot. I appreciate it all, I couldn't do this with out you._  
>  This chapter will begin with Harley, who has briefly taken over the thugs in the Joker gang while their leader is missing. Meanwhile, Robin takes over for Batman during most of the patrols and investigations, crossing hairs with Harley. Things look grim for the teen wonder's future, but he's determined to prove he's just as good as Batman.  
> Back at the cave, Batman and Joker really don't seem to be improving.
> 
> IMPORTANT WARNING: Major non-consensual references (maybe dubious consent instead in the next chapter) toward the end, that technically includes a minor. (Richard is still 16. He'll be 17 in five days story-time.) Please note, that scene isn't written out, but will help pivot the plot. This is criminals we're talking about here, they're not exactly all fluff.

Harley's crew was at hide out 12, underground in the disused sewer system at the north part of Gotham. Harley was sitting languidly on the corner of a skyscraper above them, keeping watch with Jaeger nearby. He was a tall, brawny black guy, all hot and smexy with a shaved head, stern, reserved eyes that smoldered with strong will and thick, yummy, kissable lips that Harley had the opportunity to test out once or twice through out their criminal years. Honorable guy though, Joker probably chose him as his successor if anything bad ever happened to Joker or Harley. Jaeger wasn't crazy or insane like Joker was, but he was definitely smart, maybe studied law to think of becoming an attorney one day before joining Joker's ranks. Him and Hernandez, along with the less prominent Tony and Gus, made up the higher ranks in their gang, directly after Harley's place in Joker's semi-circle of senior villains. The lackies and lap dogs in the rest of the gang were there for brute strength and numbers, or in Verne's case, for their good cooking. Verne was a skinny little dweeb with a receding hair line. He was really only apart of the crew because he cooked well and know what's poisonous or good to eat.

The snow had been trampled down on the streets below, where Harley had lead the trudging crew to Jaeger's post. It wasn't safe at Hideout 14 anymore, which concerned Hernandez. Jaeger was calm about the situation, stating "No one has seen the Bat or the Boss in days, it's safe to 'ssume that the Bat got'm." Jaeger's guess made sense, but it didn't comfort the crew. Before leaving the sewers, Harley had gotten the crew's attention, biting down on her finger and thumb and blowing out a shrill whistle. "We all gonna go ahead an' wait for Mista J., we have to trust he'll get back on'is own." She had rose her voice to a commanding tone so that all of the thugs could hear, sensing Jaeger slink up to stand beside her. "Now, none of you boys worry 'bout it none, Kay?" Harley pressed, "We'll just lay low until for a while. If he ain't back by three days, then we'll think about worry'n." She crossed her arms over her breasts, wetting her lips, "Sound fair?"  
The thugs nodded, and Jaeger seemed to approve, but Tony and some others looked dubious.

Presently, Jaeger was sitting on the crate that was on top of the building that Harley was lounging on, snow dusting their shoulders as it fell silently from a clam chowder sky. Hopefully the new snow fall would cover up the trampled tracks that the crew had left while Harley lead them away, but it was a shallow wish. Who ever the last investigators were, they were definitely gonna have fancy gadgets to X-Ray the snow with or some crap. The sound of someone in a heavy jacket striding over made Harley look up, meeting Jaeger's gaze as he gave a curt nod, slumping down beside her. He gave a suspicious glance at the edge of the building, stuffing his hands up in the sleeves of his jacket. "Hey, Jag," Harley sighed, inching closer to lay her head on his shoulder. He grunted, mumbling "Yeah," and "Hey boss."  
Harley's heart twisted with longing. It had been what, two or three days? She missed Joker real bad already. His voice, his touch, his clothes, the smell of his hair and the tickle of his breath... A pang of jealousy clawed her chest. Mother fricking Batman.  
Jaeger gave her a side ways glance, chewing the inside of his lip, "So, what's the plan?" He asked, "If Joker... you know." Didn't come back in two or three days. Harley shook her head. She had no idea what to do. "We need moar info." She mumbled. "I just hope he ain't dead." She choked on the last word. She had gotten a brief call from Joker the day he went missing, saying there was trouble at Hideout 14. That was the last she heard from him. Batman could have snapped and killed Joker for all Harley knew. Jaeger awkwardly wrapped an arm around her, patting her shoulder. "S'all be alright." He promised. "You'll see."

He looked up, his eyes distracted by something down in the streets. Harley followed his gaze. Her neck prickled with alarm. "It's Robin." Jaeger hissed.  
The two stood as one, with Harley signaling to the hatch on the building roof. Jaeger nodded, body bent low to blend in with the gloom of the night. Harley followed, her eyes tracking the small figure off in the distance. It was undoubtedly Robin, all scrawny and bright and shiz. He wasn't as subtle as Bats was when it came to sneaking up on villains. Harley flanked Jaeger as they emerged out on street level, heavy shoe packs crunching on watery snow. They made their way down the road, away from where they saw Robin, toward the sewers.  
"Nice try, I wouldn't have thought of that." A voice remarked, sounding genuinely impressed.  
Harley and Jaeger skidded to a stop as Robin fell from above, landing on top of the manhole in the center of the road. He stood to his full height, almost a full six feet by now, tossing his stupid looking hair to flick snow flakes out of it. Robin flashed them a grin, "Too bad I predicted it, though."

* * *

"Why did you let me go, when you tried to kiss me?" Joker asked, seeing a glimpse of relief in Batman's eyes. "You just let me get away, Scott free." He added, rubbing it in with a broad smile. Batman shrugged, "Maybe I planted a tracking device on you." he admitted.  
Joker stiffened. Two dozen different kinds of cuss and swear words (in several languages) flitted through his mind. Of _course_ Batman would do that, he must have used the 'Joker's new sexy scar on his neck' as an excuse to plant the tracking mechanism in Joker's clothes. A tiny glow of satisfaction melted into Batman's expression, his thin lips smirking up into a little grin. Joker leapt to his feet, "You, you bas-"  
"For what it's worth though," Batman interrupted, "I really wouldn't have minded a kiss."

Joker sneered. He turned away, glaring into the gloom of the cave as he sank back down onto the bed. He heard Batman shuffle behind him, ambling closer. Joker could sense the base of Batman's (fat) torso near the bedside. Joker craned his head to look back, meeting Batman's gaze. This was the longest and closest Joker got to Batman, with out actually getting groped down in a search or beat down into concrete. Joker was surprised by the tranquility in his face. Dumb, stupid looking, slightly unshaven face. He gestured vaguely to Bat's face, "Get a razor to that mug or something," He commented after a heart beat. Batman frowned, looking confused. "What?"  
"You look like a _cave man_ Bats," Joker exclaimed exaggeratedly, his voice going high pitched with mock surprise. "You need a shave."  
Bats rolled his eyes, turning away. Joker snickered, "While we're still on topic," He added, raising his voice after Batman as he left Joker's living area, "Do you do your legs too?"  
Not getting a response from Batman, Joker flopped down on his back in bed, looking up at the roof of the cave. There was a mechanical buzzing noise somewhere in the equipment back there, and the sound of Batman grumbling. Joker sat up in time to see Bats answer a device, addressing the caller as "Robin."  
Joker's interest sparked as Batman tensed, "What do you mean she has you captive?"

Joker felt a massive glow of pride swell in his chest, and at the top of his lungs he yelled, "Fantastic job Harley doll!" He bounced up to his feet, hysterical laughter gripping his body as he watched Bats throw him a furious look. "No, I can't right now. Yes, I know he can guard Joker, but we can't let Joker know about him." Batman paused, listening to Robin talk briskly. "Damn it," Bats hissed, swinging around and beginning to pace. Joker's face had broke into a broad, manic smile, watching Bats with a glint of pleasure.  
"She _what?_ " Batman asked. He threw a hateful glare over at Joker, accusation burning behind his eyes. Joker had no idea what must have happened, but it must have been really upsetting if it made Bats this angry. "That's my girl! Put that kid in his place."  
"She raped him, Joker." Batman growled, whirling around and stalking briskly around the cave. "Oh ho! Lucky little dog ain't he?" Joker clapped, strutting around the room with triumphant chuckles that escaped his nose. Batman made a disgusted noise, "I'm on my way." He told Harley's new little boy scout.

Bats stopped midway out of the cave, "I don't care what her demands are," He snapped, "Joker isn't going anywhere."  
"I miss you too honey!" Joker shouted, hoping Harley, or at least Robin, could hear him. Bats whipped around, throwing him a vile look, "Shut up, Joker," He ordered in a low growl. Joker grinned, sealing his lips with an imaginary zipper.  
"No, you obviously can't handle it." Batman replied to something Robin said, his voice scathing. "We'll talk about this late-" Bats broke off. Joker could hear the high pitched, nasal, accented voice of his baby doll over the garbled interference of the communication device. His heart twisted in longing, scrambling to the fenced off edge of his living area to strain his ears to listen. Batman was gritting his teeth. "I can't, Harley. They want to euthanize him at the Asylum."  
Joker's world swerved beneath his feet, making him snap his attention back to Bats. Harley didn't reply, but when she did she sounded less threatening. Bats glanced up at Joker, "Yes, we both do."


	12. Baby Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Robin (Richard) attempts to seduce Harley in order to gain her trust. Inevitably, he fails at erotic activities, but earns enough trust to gain Harley's good side.
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> It's in Robin's point of view, and it's long. Not that many cuss words and no graphic depictions of sex.  
> Mild to intense flirtatious activity.

If Richard had any misgivings or confusion about what the hell his sexuality was, he definitely knew what it was now. Burning with shame, raging with disgust and forcing down bile that crept up his throat, Richard shifted around, feeling hot and dull with over stimulation. Harley glanced over her shoulder at him, still half nude, dressed in the teeny tiniest thong ever. She leaned back and pressed her lips against Richard's head, making him grumble in acknowledgement. Okay, Richard admitted that he may have used the wrong words when he contacted Bruce and told him about the situation. After locating and sparring with Harley, Richard discovered that there were twice as many thugs in the gang. Normally, Robin would have easily taken care of the situation, but the thugs were agitated and desperate, over whelming him under the surprising leader ship of Harley. Harley managed to yell obscure code words like "Back 'round," "Stay ladder," "Toward me" and "Fricking squash him already," which the thugs seemed trained to understand as blunt, tactical brawling orders. Robin was pinned down in the snow in a few heart beats, maybe because Harley didn't play with the law like Joker did. She had briskly ordered the men to tie Robin up and matter-of-factly marched down into the sewers. Richard was tied up to a chair, where Harley had guarded him, sending a man she called Jaeger to go "Keep watch."

"Now," Harley had began, giving Robin a full profile view of her body as she turned back toward him. "Are you go'in to be a good little boy, and tell me where my handsome Mistah J is?" Her voice was quiet, light and airy with false reassurance. Soaking wet with snow and grit, and sore and stinging from bruises and scrapes, Richard managed to look up, using tremendous effort to force the trembles of pain to stop. "How many hide outs are there?" He had asked hoarsely, giving her a stony expression. Harley folded her arms across her breasts, her hips swaying as she walked slowly toward him. Rapidly swallowing the nothing in his throat, Richard had held her gaze, inwardly shrinking away. She planted both her hands on the back rest of the folding chair, looming in close to Richard's personal space. "I wanna know where my Joker is," Harley had breathed into Robin's face, venom dripping from her words, "And if you eva wanna have kids someday," Harley had added, drawing back and flicking her gaze to Robin's knees, "You better tell me. I ain't afraid to kick a guy in his balls."

Richard panicked, his mind working a mile a minute as he tilted his head up, trying to throw Harley the most smoldering, irresistible look he could manage with out looking forced. "I'm never going to tell you anything."  
Harley glared, but didn't kick him, like she had threatened. She swung around, stalking away. "Daddy Bats will be here looking for you anyways," Harley reassured, half to herself. "I'll ask him where Joker is." She paused, flashing a grin up at Richard, "Or I could trade Joker back with you," She seemed to like that idea, flopping down on a sofa at the other end of the dingy room, "A'right then, It's your lucky day," Harley's voice rose, getting comfy on the sofa. "I'm aunty Harley for today." What felt like hours (but must have only been several dozen minutes) Robin got tired and bored, his body burning with soreness and aching with imobility. He glanced at Harley, who was on her back on the sofa, inspecting the black-yellow cape that she tugged off Robin earlier. "You gay?" She asked, her voice pitchy. Richard choked on his reply, not expecting the question, " _No_ "

"I dunno," Harley gave him a doubtful look, "I think you's gay." She sat up and twirled the cape around, "This, this ain't normal dude clothes." She paused, but before Richard could reply, her eyes widened and she cleared her throat, "I'm sawry," She apologized. Richard was getting irritated with her Brooklyn accent. "Did Bats have 'the talk' with you yet?"

Embarrassment rushed up Richard's face. "I'm 17." Almost. "I know what sex is." He gritted his teeth, feeling his skin crawl. Harley didn't look convinced. "I thoughts you was 12."  
Richard took a deep breath, shaking his head. "I'm an adult." Again, almost. Thinking fast, he flashed his blue eyes at her, "I can prove it."  
Harley gave him an uncomfortable expression, standing to saunter over and place a clammy hand ungraciously on Robin's forehead. "You okay kid?" She asked warily, while Richard made it a point to let his eyes wander her body. For justice. This was for justice. And to prove to himself that he wasn't gay. Harley drew away, looking unsettled, shuddering in disgust as she ambled around the room. Richard slouched in his seat, hearing his ear piece spike with interference. "Master Richard?"  
Richard coughed, clearing his throat. Warmth raced up his face, but he had to let Alfred know he was busy. "Wow, Harley," Richard said loudly. "You do have a nice looking," He forced the word out, "Ass."

Alfred cleared his throat, murmuring "Oh, my lord, farewell Master Richard," And then quickly disconnected. Harley had snorted, throwing him a lazy glance, shifting her hips around proudly, "Yea, Mistah J. likes it too." She sighed, dreamily whispering Joker's name. Forcing down the urge to throw up, shoving horrible visuals out of his head, Richard shrugged, feeling the bonds on his wrists tug. "He's a lucky guy." Richard commented. Harley chewed her lower lip, turning around from messing with stuff on a desk. She looked embarrassed to be asking, her voice reluctant. "So... Bats does have Mistah J, right?"  
When Richard paused, nodding slowly, Harley pressed onward, "Is Mistah J okay?" She asked, her eyes huge with worry. She missed Joker, Robin realized. She genuinely loved Joker. Doubt darted around Robin's mind. Did Batman feel that way about Joker? Blegh.  
Richard nodded, "Joker is fine."

He took a deep breath. He had a plan, a vague, brash, thrown together plan, but a good one. It was both get out alive with out giving away anything, keeping Joker's location a secret as well as getting important information out of Harley, such as more hide out addresses, any possible villain related clues and more thug bios. No one would have to know, only him and Harley. It was a double standard, really. No one would care. Right? Well... he wouldn't be 17 for a few more days, so there was the possibility of some really ticked off people, but still. Richard mentally and physically felt adult, apart from the confusing hormonal-forged arousals that accidental porn links online would keep him up at night, wondering what on earth he was attracted too. Fricking puberty.  
Anyway, moving on, Richard took note that Harley had nodded, losing interest in Robin and walking around the room, probably formulating her own plans. She obviously had no intentions of showing any romantic interest in Robin, merely playing with his hair whenever she came close enough as she passed by him. Richard eyed her, keeping a burning blue gaze on her, only letting his eyes wander her body when he was sure she was watching him. He made it a point to look away once in a while, maybe as if in shame or embarrassment, to make sure she didn't get weirded out or something.  
Eventually, after what _must_ have been an hour, it worked sort of, as Richard sensed Harley saunter over toward him. She stooped down to Robin's eye level, giving him an ample view of her cleavage. Her eyes were half closed, her gaze tracing the shallows and dips of his masked face.

"You feel'n okay, kid?" She asked in a taunting, breathy tone. Richard forced a small smile, looking down. Inwardly, Richard couldn't find any scrap of arousal, only mistrust, unease, disappointment in the criminal before him, and a rampant whirl of panic battling with the instinct to crime-fight. He didn't let these misgivings show though, tilting his head up near Harley's chin, "I am now." He murmured, glancing down her bodice. She smirked, giving a nasal giggle. And that's how it started, with Harley looming up around him, driven either by the need to further exploit the plot to enrage Batman, or by mere boredom. Richard didn't know which it was, maybe it was a bit of both. He wasn't, by declaration of law, an adult, but mentally and physically, he felt ready, at least for the sake of Gotham.

Thinking back on last night, Richard sighed. He was successfully aroused after a while, untied and tucked into the futon bed on the sofa, and had engaged Harley in erotic activities, but had fallen behind, letting her take the lead. Later on, he couldn't muster the strength or the will power to even stay hard for her. Harley was forgiving enough, perhaps a bit teasing, promptly informing Robing that "I think you gay, baby bird," and maybe disappointed, sighing a long, lonely sounding sigh, but had warmed up enough toward him to trust him a little. Richard slept nearby her on the fold out bed in the futon sofa, and found the time to snatch a word in with Batman through the communication device. That's when Harley woke up, watching him speak to Batman. She had sat up and asked to "chat with the Bats". Richard had been hesitant, but gave her the communicator, watching with wary eyes.  
Batman was on his way over today. Richard wasn't sure if Bruce over reacted or had settled down enough to form a better plan, or whatever, he didn't even know if Joker was still guarded. Richard was half in costume, Harley, to his gratitude, had been decent enough to leave his identity to his own. He was staring up at the ceiling, feeling sick to his stomach. Not because of Harley, or what he let her do with him, his body could recover any amount of _that,_ but because of a nagging doubt that was chasing itself around in his mind. Harley craned her head around, who had been pulling on her lacy bra, "Get them snaps, will you?"

Richard sat up, wincing at the soreness in his abdomen. He stared at the bra snaps, mumbling "Uhhh,"  
"Like this," Harley turned around, fumbling off the bra and showing Richard how it snapped together. His face rushing with warmth, Richard nodded, not looking up as Harley turned back around and puled the undergarment back on. Richard did the snaps together, getting a pat on the forehead, "Good job, kid."

Richard shrugged, glancing up as Harley stood to retrieve the rest of her clothes. She was undoubtedly attractive, an imbecile could see that. But Richard had no lust toward her, no pull of need for her mind or body. Richard shook his head. This shouldn't get in the way of his duty, and besides, maybe Harley is just not the kind of woman Richard wanted.  
Right?


	13. Re-united

They wanted to euthanize the Joker. They were tired of dealing with the Joker. Only Batman and the cretin were in the way of Arkham zapping Joker out of the world forever. And inwardly, Joker hated it.

Joker looked up sharply from sitting on the bed, seeing the growling Batmobile hurdle into the tunnel and bursting through the curtain of the water fall. It slowed on the larger platform at the other side of the cave and the doors slid open. Robin flanked Harley as Bats lead them out of the Batmobile, closely followed by a stern looking black woman in officer wear. Joker wasn't sure, but he could have sworn that Gordan and a doc or something were hanging out in the Batmobile too. Robin murmured something quietly to Harley as Robin and the officer lead Harley down the catwalk, following Batman. Harley tossed the boy scout a small smile, making suspicion prickle up along Joker's neck. The officer cleared her throat, nodding in Batmans' direction and saying "Keep following."  
The trio rounded a turn on the catwalk, and Harley caught Joker's gaze. Her eyes lit up instantly, her voice squealing as she began to giggle. Joker smiled, raising a hand to twiddle his fingers in a wave. She looked like she wanted to wave back, but her hands were cuffed and Robin and the officer both firmly held and elbow. Batman gestured to Joker, muttering "Bring her over there," grudgingly, as if he hated the thought of having another criminal in his domain. Joker heaved himself up from the bed, walking over a few steps as the trio approached the electric gate of the fenced in living space. "Mistah J!" Harley exclaimed. sounding relived and star struck. Joker grinned broadly, feeling his heart ache, "Hello baby doll," He replied as the officer swiped a keycard into a slot.

The door slid open and Robin followed Harley into the living space, and the officer swiped the key card again to close the gates. Joker staggered back as Harley launched herself at him, washing him in her warm, familiar scent. She felt supple and limber in his arms, her bosom crushing his chest. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. Frowning, Joker caught a whiff of some weird cologne clinging to Harley's person. He turned his head, staring at Robin over Harley's shoulder. While Harley squashed his ribcage in a tight embrace, Joker studied Robin, who was expressionless, giving Joker a curt nod. Joker pulled back, looking down at Harley, "Did you really knock up the brat?" He asked, more curious then jealous. Harley threw a swift glance over at Robin, shrugging, "He didn't stay hard long enough, soooo..."

"HA!" Joker broke into a loud, abrupt bout of laughter, grinning as embarrassment flooded Robin's face, "Poor little dweeb." Bending down, Joker added to Harley, "That's my girl."  
"I don't care if was consensual or not," Batman's harsh voice broke in, making Joker and Harley twist around. The officer had retreated to stand beside Batman, who had stalked down toward them, "Robin is a minor."  
"I'm going to be 17 soon!" Robin protested, then ducked his head, looking up uncertainly at Harley. Harley stiffened nearby Joker, "You... I thought you said you was 17 already," disbelief gripped her tone; she sounded dismayed. "You're only 16?"  
Robin groaned impatiently, "It's a technical little detail that doesn't matter," He insisted, rounding on Batman. "And it's none of your business, either."

Joker suppressed a snort of amusement, "Kid's got gusto."  
"Shut up, Joker." Batman snapped. He barged up toward the gate, glaring at Robin, "Get over here, away from... _those_ two," He threw a disgusted glance at Harley, which made annoyance claw up Joker's back. "and lets go upstairs." Batman growled, "We can discuss this after dinner."  
Blue eyes smoldering with fury, Robin stalked over toward the gate, brushing by Batman with out another word. The officer had crept back toward the Batmobile, looking uncertain and awkward. Gordon and the doctor had peeked out of the Batmobile, probably anxious to catch a word with Joker.

Batman turned to leave, making Joker jolt, "Wait!" Joker beckoned Bats, "What were you saying earlier about Arkham wanting to..."  
"I'm taking care of it." Batman cut off Joker's question, "And I'll talk to both of you about it, later." Batman added, his voice dropping. He turned and stalked toward the people by the Batmobile. Gordon looked agitated and wary, glancing around the cave as if in disbelief. The doc... Joker thought he should recognize her... She was a thin little Asian.

"Is that Dr. Jeng?" Joker asked under his breath, leaning down to Harley's cheek. Harley shrugged, "Dunno, maybe."  
Bats was shaking his head while Gordon was waving his arms around. The doc hadn't left the Batmobile and the officer was near Gordon. Bats said something, Gordon turned and went back in the car, and Bats drove them off.

* * *

**Unfinished Notice:**  
Unfinished, and I don't have the time to continue it. Feel free to pick up where I left off, and post a link to your fic in the comments.

 **Discuss!**  
Batman or Joker? Harley or Robin? Which is yo fav \\*o*/

What other off side rooms and hidey holes is Batman hiding in the Batcave? (*cough cough* ROCK STADIUM *cough*)

Oh yeah. *Clears throat and stops slouch'n*  
Just to be clear, I DON'T CONDONE RAPE, ABUSE, OR UNDERAGE SEX. CONDOM PINATA FOR EVERYONE. JUST BASH IT UP AND HAVE A SAFE SEX SPREE.

Leave discuss topics of your own in the comments! (Because I can't think of any! :D )


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